Bad Boosh Slash
by GrandEclectus
Summary: Howard & Vince in a ridiculous piece of nonsense written by the numbers. Howard discovers the broken body of a beautiful stranger...yadda yadda yadda...What will come of their fateful meeting? Give ya three guesses.


**Bad Boosh Slash**

written by elf fetish dot com with only a few words provided by AnitaLife

Gawd bless the person/persons who really wrote this, because it is hi-larious!

Humor

T / PG17

Howard/Vince pairing (yawn!)

OK…It's bad enough that we are into slash, but to bother the writers/actors of the Mighty Boosh about it, well it's just plain embarrassing!

This stuff is private and should be kept on the downlow! People involved in any series should not even know it exists. I mean, we put it on the internet for just that reason, to keep it hidden in plain sight.

With this exception: I find slash to be amazingly funny at times. Unfortunately, the overwhelming majority of fan written efforts are invariably and predictably forays into the realm of erotica (or something like it), which follow mind-numbingly predictable plots and conventions.

I wonder if anyone is even paying attention to the series. Given that a work as delightful and multi-tiered as The Mighty Boosh can be reduced to two barely recognizable characters who have only one thing on their minds…Pizza Delivery?...I wonder.

It really is a great show, very funny, with lots to it. Hope the slashers start to watch it someday!

**True Love by Fate  
**AnitaLife's contrib. in boldface

It was a dark and stormy night. An unnatural haze lingered over **Nabootique**. In his bed, **Howard Moon** shivered. For a summer night, the air was cold and the sky was black. It was almost as if something evil lurked out there in the shadows.

Howard Moon rolled over, clutching his pillow, and tried to fall back asleep. But a worry nagged in the back of his mind. Something was not right. No matter how he tried, some ghostly force prevented him from sleeping. It made him uneasy. With a sigh, he rolled out of bed, pulled on his **Cape**, and poured himself a cup of water from the pitcher on his nightstand. Quietly, he left his room.

The halls were silent as he walked in the dark. He did not know where he was going, or why, but his body seemed to move on its own accord. He was being drawn by an unseen power. Past his father's bedroom, past the dining hall, past the **Living Room**, and out onto the terrace. With the moon hidden behind thick clouds, it was nearly impossible to see in the inky black night. But something lying on the path to **Howard Moon's** right made him gasp in shock. A body!

**'Idiot!!'** Howard Moon shouted. He leapt over the terrace railing and onto the ground below, running toward the fallen form as fast as he could. Tree branches scratched at his skin and pulled at his clothes, but he paid them no mind. Heart pounding, he fell to his knees on the pathway and placed a gentle hand on the figure's **Chest**.

Now that he was closer, he could see that this was a young **Fashionista** of Apartment Upstairs, a **Chosen One** by the looks of him, who appeared to be no more than 17 years old. But he was in dire need of help. His clothes were torn and bloody, and his hair was matted with mud. He needed the attention of a healer, immediately. Without a second thought, **Howard Moon** picked up the wounded **Chosen One** and, cradling him in his arms, carried him inside to seek the help that was so desperately needed.

*****

'His situation is severe,' the **Head Shaman** said in a worried voice. 'Whether or not he will live until morning is beyond my sight. My team of healers will do the best they can, but...' his voice trailed off.

**Howard Moon** could sense his fear. There was a good chance the young **Fashionista** might die. 'Is there anything I can do to help?' he asked.

**The Head Shaman** sadly shook his head. 'Nothing the healers are not already trying. But it might help if you just sat with him. He will need to see a friendly face when he wakes up from this ordeal, and you are the closest thing he has right now.'

'I understand,' said **Howard Moon**. 'And I will stay with him for as long as it takes. I will not let him die.'

With that, **Howard Moon** turned and hurried to the room where the wounded **Chosen One** was being housed. He was surrounded by healers, all of whom wore the same concerned expression. They had washed his body and dressed his wounds with healing salve, but still the **Fashionista** showed no signs of improvement. His breathing was shallow, and his pulse was weak. One of the healers turned to **Howard Moon** with a defeated sigh.

'It will be an uphill battle,' she said. 'We have done all we can at this time. Now, we can only wait and see if he wakes.'

**Howard Moon** nodded resolutely. 'I will stay with him through the night and keep watch as he sleeps.'

One by one, the healers left the bedside, the last one closing the door behind her. In the flickering candle light, **Howard Moon** dipped a square of cloth in the bowl of warm water left by the healers, and gently used it to stroke the injured **Fashionista's** Thighs. Then, taking up the **Chosen One's** limp hand, he settled into his bedside chair and prepared to wait through the remainder of the long, cold night.

*****

'Where... where am I?'

**Howard Moon** jerked awake with a start when he heard the words being spoken. He stared down at his patient, an immense wave of relief coursing through his body. The **Fashionista** was alive! And from the looks of things, he was on his way to making a full recovery.

'You are in **Nabootique,' Howard Moon** told him. 'I found you last night, lying unconscious and nearly dead on a path coming from the forest. I carried you inside, and my father's healers tended to your wounds. Please, tell me your name and how you came to be here.'

'My name is **Vince Noir**,' said the **Fashionista**. 'I come from the **Apartment Upstairs**. I was on an errand from my father, to deliver an important message to **Naboo** in **Xooberon**. But last night... All I remember is that I was riding through the forest when suddenly I was attacked by a group of the **Chavs**. At least **27** surrounded me. I tried to escape, but there were so many, and I had only my **Punk Safety Pin** for protection. And that is the last thing I recall. I do not know how I came to be here, or why I am not dead.'

**Howard Moon** smiled at him. 'The stars must shine favourably on you. To live through such an ordeal... that is more than mere luck.' It was more than luck, too, that **Vince Noir** had wound up in **Nabootique** and **Howard Moon** had found him. Now that they two were together, it felt almost like fate had lent a hand. **Vince Noir** was meant to be here, and **Howard Moon** was meant to have found him. Why, **Howard Moon** did not know. But it felt so certain.

It also did not hurt that **Vince Noir **was one of the most beautiful individuals **Howard Moon** had ever seen. His sleek black hair contrasted with large, blue eyes set in a lovely face. And his sculpted body, half-hidden by the bed linens, was a further attraction. **Howard Moon** could hardly suppress his desire to run his hands over that soft hair and perfect body. But he kept his feelings under control. **Vince Noir** had just barely survived a nearly fatal encounter. Now was not the time for romance.

*****

Within three days, **Vince Noir** had improved enough to leave his bed. **The Head Shaman **gave him a new set of clothes, and he was able to wander the corridors and gardens by himself. But the one thing that troubled him was **Howard Moon's** absence. Since the morning when he'd first awoken in **Nabootique**, he had not seen **Howard Moon** at all. It was as if his rescuer had simply disappeared. He had asked the **Head Shaman **where his son could be, but the **Head Shaman** had no answer. **Howard Moon **was gone without a trace.

**Vince Noir** desired to speak with **Howard Moon** again, and properly thank him for saving his life. But he also just wanted to see the handsome **Jazz Maverick** once more. He could not explain it, but he felt a deep connection to **Howard Moon**, either forged by the lifesaving bond or some other power. He knew that **Howard Moon** was someone special. Someone he had to see again.

It wasn't until the sixth day after **Vince Noir** had recovered that **Howard Moon** returned to **Nabootique**. He rode up the same path where **Vince Noir** had been found, dragging a net filled with the heads of the **Chavs **behind him. All **27** of them.

'Here are your **Chavs**!' he called to **Vince Noir**. 'I found them hiding out in a cave not far from here.'

**Vince Noir** stared in surprise, eyes going wide. 'You killed... all of them by yourself?'

'I cannot let such dangerous creatures roam free in our lands,' **Howard Moon** replied. 'And I did it for you. They nearly killed you. I do not want anything like that to happen again.'

**Vince Noir** could feel his heart pounding as **Howard Moon** spoke. **Howard Moon** killed those the **Chavs**... for him. Before he could stop himself, he leapt at **Howard Moon** and threw his arms around his neck, kissing the brave **Jazz Maverick** on the back.

**Howard Moon** laughed in surprise, but did not pull away. 'What was that for?'

'Just a thank you,' **Vince Noir** said. He smiled, but when he saw the suddenly serious look in **Howard Moon's** eyes, the smile faded. 'What is wrong?' he asked, worried.

**'Vince Noir**,' said **Howard Moon**, 'I have to confess something to you. That first morning you were here... I thought you were so beautiful. I wanted to kiss you then, but I did not know how you would react.

**Vince Noir** gasped in shock. 'Kiss... me?'

'I told myself I must not, because of the terrible ordeal you had just suffered. It was not the right time. But these past few days while I was gone, I could think only of you the entire time. And now...'

**'Howard Moon...'** **Vince Noir** sighed his name. 'I thought about you too. All the time, while you were gone. I was worried I would never see you again.'

**Howard Moon** lifted his hand to gently stroke **Vince Noir** on the cheek. 'I am sorry I ran off like that. I should have said something to you.'

Taking a deep breath, **Vince Noir** said, **'Howard Moon**, there is something I have been considering over the past several days. I think we were meant to find each other. What happened to me... it was no accident of fate. I was meant to come here. You were meant to rescue me.'

A bright smile broke across **Howard Moon's** face as soon as **Vince Noir** had spoken. 'You know,' he said, 'I had been thinking the same thing! That night when I found you I had been worried an unable to think. Some strange power led me out to the terrace, and that was when I saw you.'

**Vince Noir** took **Howard Moon's** hand. 'So you think... we are meant to be together?'

'I have no doubt of it.' Slowly, **Howard Moon** leaned in and kissed **Vince Noir** softly on the lips. 'I love you,' he whispered.

'I love you too, **Howard Moon**,' **Vince Noir** whispered in return.

**THE END!**

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